i want to live at the bottom of the ymca pool. i've never loved a pool like i loved that one. there are tiles and i watch them as i swim. there are whitish blue tiles, mostly, and some black ones that form crosses at the bottom of the pool. so cool and clean. i never once saw a band-aid floating in the water. when i came to chicago, i told myself i would swim laps every day like back home. but i haven't had time. i love it here a lot, but nobody can talk me down like that pool did. i once told him that i felt as if i tried everything; drugs, medicine, self harm, suicide, eating healthy, mindfulness techniques; and the only thing that worked was holding my breath in the deep end at the ymca pool.